Mom Guilt and Judgement

If there is one thing in life I hate, its judgmental people. I mean my attitude has always been each to their own, if they are happy with their life then who are you to judge.

On top of that note, what makes my blood boil is people judging others parenting. Believe me when I say we judge ourselves every second of every day, well at least I do. The constant thought of am I good enough, am I shaping his future to be a good one, am I giving him enough attention and am I shaping him into the best person they can be and so on so forth.

My heart went out to a mother I spoke to recently when I was dropping Logan off to Creche, it was both our children's settling week, her little girl was 6 months, we hadn't said much and she volunteered the information that she feels awful that she has to use a creche but she needs to get back to work, she doesn't have a choice. That woman should not have felt the need to explain herself.

I was very lucky, if it wasn't for my sitter I would have been in the same boat, starting creche at 6 months. I explained to the woman the pro's about them starting creche in the hope to ease her guilt. Like how the children encourage each other along, with the likes of speech and good social skills because lets be honest I have been telling myself the same things about Logan going to creche at 18 months.

I remember a moment that stabbed me so hard in the gut, when I had just went back to work I am assuming Logan would have been probably 8 months id guess. I had asked my sister would they mind bringing Logan to a last minute doctors app for his hip, I got the call the day before the appointment and was told if I need to reschedule it would be 3 months before they could see him again so I said rather than miss it, I would get someone to take him for me as it was that one day of the month that I just could not take the day off, well obviously if I needed to I would have but if I had another option I would do the best of both worlds, so my sister and mam brought him for me.

Anyway the appointment came, I got a call from my sister, the doctor would like to go through things with me and the end of the call I was told all was fine and the phone was given back. I called my sister back to find out what happened and she said 'oh the doctor was asking how come you were back in work so early and DID YOU NOT MISS HIM' yes you read that right, did I not miss him. I had only returned back to work and it was eating me alive as it was without hearing that, I hated missing even a second away from my baby boy so for some stranger to assume the reason I returned to work was because I wouldn't miss him, absolutely killed me. Clearly still to this day it kills me.

That person did not know me, knew nothing about my life. Some women return to work because they need to pay their bills, others return because they had made a profession and worked for years and wanted the best of both worlds and I'm sure there are millions of other reasons why.

I'm a mix of both, we had just bought our first home a month before Logan was born and I had worked years studying, gaining experience to get to the stage in my career that I am now and I absolutely love what I do. Its actually amazing how it calms me if I am stressed. Its also good for Logan to see, his parents working hard, enjoying the work they do. He will go into school at the age of 3 onward's with Playschool until 17 years old, he will be in school for the majority of hours I am in work thanks to a 9-5 job. Not everyone is as lucky.

So if you could ever do me a favour in life, be kinder to people and stop judging. Build each other up and stop knocking each other down. Tell that working mother how great a job they are doing, tell that stay at home mother the same because each mother is amazing and unique.

Mom guilt is real and we need to banish the monster and stop it from growing and we need to start today.